President Bans Corona Beer

Detail of lined up Corona beer bottles seen on the store

Yesterday President Trump announced that he was banning (through executive order) the import of Corona Beer from Mexico because he believes the beer is the source of the deadly Coronavirus in The United States. “Mexico is retaliating against our great country for making such great, tremendous and perfect progress with building the Great National Wall on our beautiful southern border”, the President said on Fox News last night on the “Sean Hannity Show”. All beer in stores and warehouses must be sold or destroyed by the COB on Friday March 13, 2020 and beer in the in the homes or hands of Americans must be consumed by March 15. The President’s decision came after Hannity and Laura Ingram, also of Fox News, each drank a six-pack of Corona Beer on Hannity’s show Wednesday night. What happened next was surprising: they became nauseated, not nauseating, which is what they usually are on their respective shows. Ingram was more coherent than usual while Hannity babbled this: “I pledge allegiance to President Donald Trump and to the Republicans on which he stands.” They both woke up the next morning with throbbing headaches, upset stomachs, and a blackout of what happened the night before. These are all symptoms of the Coronavirus, and hence the decision by the President to ban Corona Beer from the United States.

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