President: No Declaration of War

A Rewrite of American History with a Different President.

People everywhere in America are gathered around their radios to hear what the President will say about going to war. The date is December 8, 1941. Now, hear the President speak:

“Dear Fellow Americans, let me assure you that you have no cause to panic, or reason for concern. What happened yesterday should and will be forgotten soon, that is if the fake news media will shut down for a few days. If they don’t, I may decide to shut them down through an emergency executive order. What happened yesterday was a non-consequential attack on a minor US naval base by a small, backward nation thousands of miles from Washington. The media has already taken what happened and weaponized it against me and my administration. It’s another attempt to undo the result of an election that took place a little more than a year ago. The sneak attack was stopped within minutes, and losses to our military were minor: one battleship and two destroyers sustained minor damage, one small airplane flipped on its back, and three seamen were slightly shell-shocked.

I will ask Congress not to declare war, because that action would acknowledge to the attackers that we believe the attack is worthy of starting a war. I had not heard of the offending nation until yesterday, which I am told is a country made up of several tiny islands in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The United States with its powerful military force will be mocked by the world if we declare war on a tiny upstart nation which can barely feed itself, let alone wage war against the most powerful nation in the world. I intend to take no further notice of the offending nation unless it shows further signs of aggression toward our nation. If it does, I will order sanctions, enough to bring that nation to its knees from starvation. And if that doesn’t work, I will order the Army Air Corps, Navy and Marine Corps to bomb the islands and their populations to extinction. That result, I believe, can be accomplished in two weeks.

Now, let’s wait and see what happens, and thank God for helping us Make America Great Again.”

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