What follows is news that you’re not likely to see on any of the major news outlets: If you watch the President much on television, you know that he talks a lot, and lately you might have noticed that his voice is a little hoarse and raspy. My sources in the WH tell me that the President started complaining about tenderness in his throat several days ago. When aides suggested that he cut back on the time he spends speaking in public, the President rejected the advice, saying that he must continue to defend himself against the barrage of false accusations and threats of impeachment by democrats. Two days ago, the President asked his personal physician to look at this throat. His doctor told the President that his vocal cords appeared to be strained, and then called in an MD who specializes in the treatment of problems associated with the larynx, sometimes called the voice box. The voice box is located in the front of the neck and contains the vocal cords. The larynx is responsible for sound production and swallowing and is also the entrance to the windpipe, and therefore plays a critical role in the airway.

The specialist told the President that his voice problem likely resulted from the frequent, and often loud, repetition of certain words and phrases. He went on to explain that this condition is made worse if the specific words and phrase were made up mostly of vowel sounds, which put an extra strain on the vocal cords. The doctor told the President that besides reducing the time spent talking, the problem can be treated by voice therapy. The President asked the doctor if he could identify specific words or phrases which he might cut out that would improve the problem. The doctor suggested that among the words and phrases that the President repeats most often, he suspected, “No Quid Pro Quo.” to put the most strain on the vocal cords. The President rose from behind his desk, looked the doctor in the face and shouted, “you’re fired, you’re fired – and you’re barred from coming back on my show.”